Cataloging Emotions over Break

It's the fourth day of break, if you don't count wednesday afternoon. And I don't, so there. I guess it will just be easier to talk about how my emotional state has gone since thursday morning up until now. I'll update more as time goes by.

So as of thursday morning, my first emotions were basically apathetic, as I couldn't really think of someone who wasn't too busy to hang out with. Everyone I knew was doing something or just couldn't chill. So I spent the morning lazing around after finding out my gym is closed for passover. After a while I went for a skate and that relaxed me, because I brought my carving board with me. I ended up coming home after a few hours because it got lonely and so when my friend got off work I went and hung out with him. Since then I've felt essentially the same, apathetic. But my gym opens tomorrow again so maybe things will pick up.

--UPDATE--
10:53pm Sunday April 12

I just posted a blog post on my personal blog basically about how I'm still in love with my now ex girlfriend and how I'm feeling reflective. This makes my current mood a very somber one, interrupted every now and hen by a hollow kind of happiness as I recall one of the positive days from my relationship with her. Something I said which might wrap this up a little clearer is the line I said that reads: "Sometimes, I wish I could just cry. It seems like such a simple action. Go figure.”

--UPDATE--
11:53pm Sunday April 12

I just listened to my Happy playlist (yes, I have a happy playlist) and now I've managed to pick my mood back up from apathetic misery to average, teetering between smiling and frowning status.

--UPDATE--
1:43am Tuesday April 14

Whoosh. Big day. Went skating because of the pleasant weather, was out for a couple hours texting ex-girlfriend. (In middle of traffic, mind you.) After a little while of happily skating and evading traffic, I got the call to come home and take my little sister to the park. A little bit of a dampening on the mood but I figured I'd still be able to enjoy the weather, just now with a nine year old clinging to me. So I felt the rush of the wind as I raced back uptown, mood locked down into a happy state, because when you longboard like that, you can't focus on much more than the stretch of road in front of you. The farther ahead you look, the more stuff you tune out. I tuned out all the negative energy around me. But anyhow, flash-forwarding a bit, later in the day, after returning home and playing some videogames, I had a conversation via AIM with my ex, outlining how she is very dramatic, to which she very dramatically told me not to ay tat for fear she be compared to her antagonizing older brother. I told her to face facts and deal with it, silently angry but at the same time feeling a guilty pleasure in silencing someone who hurt me. I felt closure to the breakup for the first time, and so I was relieved. Like a weight off my chest. Then I hit the gym after feeling disgusted with myself in not having gone because of passover, and so I worked out my usual routine, feeling tired-ish until I got to the weights room where I always manage to feel inadequate, being as I'm not there as a bodybuilder or some such type, and I'm not doing as much weight as these other gym rats. I try to make up for it by telling myself I'm smarter than them anyway, and that while i might be fat now, at least i'm trying.

--UPDATE--
11:48pm Tuesday April 14

Today's weather kind of impacted my mood. It was chilly outside for a good while, and very indicative of rain, so I wasn't too excited about going skating with Dylan, but I figured the rain might hold off long enough to get in a good session. We agreed to meet up at columbus circle, and so I headed down there from my place. I underestimated how long it would take me to get there and ended up getting there at least 45 minutes earlier than Dylan and so I waited on the stairs by the fountain. A few minutes of waiting passed before this homeless man asked me for a cigarette. I told him I didn't smoke and he shrugged and asked about my board. I explained some longboarding to him and he asked me if I minded if he sat down. I didn't and so he joined me on the step. He smelled heavily of alchohol and staggered a bit, but his words were fairly concise, mumbled through his beard as they were. We ended up having a pretty interesting conversation, he told me some jokes, I told him some, he told me about how he was always around the area and knew the table vendors, some of the bicycle carriages, basically the whole crew who worked there. He brought up my mood because he got me thinking about life. Consider like this; we are all the main characters of our own story, right? So then we know our own background, our dreams, hopes, etc. I started thinking about how everyone else is like a secondary character. How if you go into detail about their stories, your own story becomes a little richer. This is the same for everyone. It's hard to think about the rest of the world having a story much like your own, but it's true.

--UPDATE--
12:39am Friday April 17

Ok, I'll have to recap wednesday while I'm here. I got to sleep in late, to be woken up by a call from my friend reminding me of our plans to hang out. After a scurried shower and dressing, I headed down to union square where i met up with some old friends who graduated last year and who I don't get to see often enough. It was me, Louis, Brittany, and Sandy all hanging out. We went to see a movie, one of those cute comedies that gets you smiling because the protagonist has things end up well even though things ae at the same time pretty shitty. It was a good day, we got to recollect and embrace each other's company, re-igniting our old ties basically. That got me feeling very pleasant inside, like warm almost, but ... satisfied might be the word. Then today I had to wake up early and drive upstate to clean up house, something which isn't a pile of work, but just monotonous, and i felt greatly bored. The upside of today was that I got to get out into a tree and climb, feeling free and natural, and excited over the simplicity of the action of climbing a tree.

--Final UPDATE--
7:43am Friday April 17

Probably the dullest day this break. Haircut and skating was basically all I did. Emotionally I've felt very reflective, thinking about my past, my future. It's a very neutral sort of feeling, not good or bad, just contemplative. I'm tired. Drained.